Still fighting with CVS, and forced to do a complete re-checkout of a source tree that contains much, much more than “source”, which gives me some time to put another blog post down on (digital) paper…to scratch that itch to write. 

So what’s going through my head right now?  The need to Get My Shit In Order.  Professionally.  Financially.  Personally.  Emotionally.  It’s not *that* hard, is it?  Start at “A”, keep going until you get to “Z”, then figure out  what the next “A” is.

It’s pretty sad/lame/ridiculous how much time we (the collective we) spend on things that ultimately do not, will not, can not work out.  Some things are not meant to be.  Some things are so desirable, though, that you don’t want to admit defeat, so you play games with yourself trying to convince yourself that there IS a path from “A” to “Z” that includes that thing, that object, that desire.  Is it possible, you ask yourself.  If so, how?  What needs to happen?  What planets need to align?  While all this goes on, some days you’re relatively happy and convinced that there is a way forward; other days are more disappointing, and you let little seeds of doubt enter into your thinking.  Which is the correct response?  Maybe both.  Who the fuck really knows what is supposed to happen, what is meant to be?  I don’t. I’m pretty sure you don’t either.  I’m convinced that going after what you want is the right decision, to be direct and clear and aggressive and open and transparent.  If it doesn’t happen, at least it doesn’t happen because you were a pussy and afraid to let your needs be known.  Cast your desires out into the wide Universe and the the Universe find a way to make it happen, if indeed it is supposed to happen.

But while the Universe is busy making up its mind whether or not to grant you your One True Wish, you have time to kill.  Work, expand your network, write, work out, lose another 20 pounds, sign up for a couple road races, and continue to be a good person to everyone you interact with.  Find something to focus on and be productive.  Find ways to laugh and have fun.  Explore.  Open yourself up to experiences you haven’t had before.  Get out of your rut(s).  Take a weekend trip to a place you’ve never been.  Spend some quality time with friends, old and new.  Nurture relationships that may have been stagnating.  Read inspiring works.  Be good to your kids (if you have any).  Put someone else’s needs in front of of yours.  Be selfless.  Be gracious.  Smile.  Be confident that the Universe has your best interests in mind, in the long run, even in the face of temporary doubts.

“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time”
- Andre Gide

While I’m giving out advice, here’s some more: avoid the trap of thinking that you’re so fucking important that you don’t  need to occasionally feel some discomfort, some pain, some despair.  Live it – it’s part of life.  Not everything is supposed to be easy; it’s the hard times that build character (and show character!) and allow you to better appreciate the times when everything is going your way.  Don’t wallow, don’t give up, don’t avert your face.  Pain has lessons to teach, and anecdotes that it wants you to remember: heed them.

Be good to yourself and good to others.  If you’re happy, share it.  If someone needs help or support, give it.  If someone is hurting, heal them. Expand your awareness of others and others’ needs and you are sure to be karmically rewarded.  I believe it – you should too.